Present Predicaments
by seekingtomorrow
Summary: Prompt: Rivaille is going around interrogating all of Mikasa's friends so he can try and figure out what to get her for her birthday. Levi x Mikasa.


**Present Predicaments**

**SUMMARY: Prompt: **Rivaille is going around interrogating all of Mikasa's friends so he can try and figure out what to get her for her birthday. Levi x Mikasa.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **THIS IS ONE OF THE CRACKIEST THINGS I'VE WRITTEN FOR THIS FANDOM AND THAT'S SAYING fun, kiddies and don't forget to review, follow, or favourite. Well, you don't have to, but it'd be nice.

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"Yeager."

Eren instantly froze up at the sound of _that voice_. "Yes? Sir?" He added on as a bit of an afterthought.

Levi was crouched near a stack of crates piled up by the side of the supply depot. "A word."

Eren cautiously followed the man to a small shack behind the mess hall. "What is it?" At Levi's scowl, he cleared his throat. "Sir?"

"I would apologize for doing this," said Levi, "but then I realized I don't really care."

"Care? About wha-?" Eren's vision faded to blackness as Levi smacked him with a tray he'd filched from the kitchen.

When Eren finally came to, he was sitting in a room completely devoid of light. As he lifted his hands to rub his eyes, he realized two important things. One: his hands were chained to the chair, and two: there was a clicking noise right in front of him.

A lamp above his chair flicked on, bathing Eren in a radiance that made him squint.

"Yeager."

"Whaa?" Eren tried to lift his hand to shade his eyes from the glare, but forgot about the restraints. "Whazzit?" His ears were ringing and he was pretty sure there was crusted blood underneath his nose.

Levi sat at the other end of a metal table, a clipboard, coffee cup, and pen in front of him. He tented his hands, looking straight at his captive. "I have some questions for you."

Eren bobbed his head, but then shook it. He was just trying to get the buzzing to stop, but Levi took it as a sign of defiance.

"Yeager, we can do this the hard way or the easy way. And if you keep giving me attitude, we're going to do this the goddamn hard way."

Eren blinked, trying to look anywhere but at Levi, whose white cravat was making it difficult to focus.

"Fine," said Levi, flipping some pages over his clipboard. "We're doing this the hard way, shitty brat." He cleared his throat. "First question: if you were a fifteen year old girl, what would you want for your birthday?"

"Wha-?" Eren's head lolled uselessly. "I'm not a girl, I think?"

"I'm more than well-aware of your sex, Yeager." Levi scribbled some nonsense on his notepad. If Eren had been slightly more coherent and leaned forward just a few inches, he would have seen that the Corporal was just writing 'Mr. Ackerman' in loopy script.

"You should assss Misaka," said Eren. "No, wait. Mikasa." He nodded, apparently pleased with his answer. "Mikasa."

Levi crushed the pencil with one hand, barely flinching when splinters wedged their way into his skin. "We're done here, Yeager." Grabbing Eren's chair, he roughly wheeled it outside without even bothering to undo the restraint.

Realizing that asking the Yeager brat was useless, Levi decided to turn to someone a little _smarter_.

"Arlert."

Armin didn't even look up from his book. Calmly licking the tip of his thumb, he turned another page and responded in kind. "Corporal."

"Can I have a word?" In the quiet of the library, Levi felt almost uncomfortable speaking aloud.

"I don't know," said Armin. "_Can you?"_

Levi sighed. "May I have a word with you?"

"You may," replied Armin lightly. "After I finish this book. Please," Armin motioned to the chair opposite his, "have a seat."

Levi hesitantly sat down in the polished wood chair. He'd heard from his superiors that the Arlert boy was supposed to be a genius, but they never said he was evil. "Are you going to be long?"

"That depends." Armin placed the book he was holding on a pile and picked up another one.

"You just said you'd talk after you finished your goddamn book!"

Several books toppled off a shelf and Hanji's head popped out. "NO SHOUTING IN THE LIBRARY!"

Levi huffed, smoothing down his cravat and re-crossing your legs. "I need your opinion on something," he said to Armin in a low voice.

"Is it about Mikasa?" Armin took a long draught from the tea cup that had mysteriously appeared in front of him. Levi inched his chair away form the boy, positive that he possessed some dark powers.

"It's none of your business, brat."

"If it's involving Mikasa, then it's also involving me." As Armin gave Levi a sinister smile, the lights in the room dimmed slightly and Levi swore he could hear the screaming of tortured souls somewhere nearby. "I bet it's about her birthday, isn't it?"

Levi nodded wordlessly.

"Well, I'm going to get her something she actually likes. Maybe a pocketknife or retractable battleaxe." Armin closed this book, placing it on top of his growing pile and reached for another. "Mikasa likes homemade stuff. Handcrafted stuff. She's simple."

Levi put his hand on his chin and contemplated Armin's advice. "What do I owe you?"

"For what?"

"Your advice. I hear your services don't come free."

"You're right," said Armin. "But don't worry about my price, now. I'll let you know later."

Levi quickly strode out of the library, making sure to keep his eyes on Armin the entire time.

Finally, the night of Mikasa's birthday arrived and her comrades had gathered in the mess hall to present a hastily constructed cake to her. Levi stood in the shadows, watching her expression of delight as she received a freaking _thigh sheath_ from Armin. She even gave the brat a kiss on the cheek.

"I think someone else has a gift for you," said Armin, just before Mikasa could thank everyone for their efforts. Immediately, her eyes snapped to Levi.

"I didn't know you got a gift for Ackerman," said Hanji. "You never get gifts for anyone. Heck, you've known Erwin for five years and you still forget his birthday every year."

Levi brushed off Hanji's comment and walked toward Mikasa, the cumbersome package tucked under his arm. "This is for you," he said, thrusting the brown paper-covered parcel at her.

"Thank you." Her cheeks were uncharacteristically red. Carefully, she unwrapped the gift, taking extra caution not to rip the paper and make a mess. Levi could practically feel himself falling in love all over again. "Oh, wow. This is...something." Mikasa held the painting up for everyone to see.

"It looks like Reiner," said Eren. "Did Levi paint you a portrait of Reiner for your birthday?"

"No," said Levi, resisting the urge to toss the shitty brat out the window. "I painted it for Mikasa. It's you," he said to her.

"You think I look like Reiner?"

In the back of the room, Reiner Braun stood up and flexed his biceps. Annie grabbed him by his shirt and yanked him back down.

"No!" Levi looked at Armin for help, but the blonde just rubbed his forefinger and thumb together, indicating that it would _cost_. Levi chose to take matters into his own hands. "I'm a shitty artist."

"Oh," Mikasa nodded, "but that's very...nice of you? Thank you for this painting of Reiner. I'll treasure it always."

"It's not Reiner!"

**EPILOGUE**

Levi stood on the porch outside the mess hall, contemplating the choices he'd made and wondering if Arlert would take one of his kidneys. He also speculated how he would get the paint out of Mike's curtains. Red always stained.

"Levi?" Behind him stood Mikasa, who'd managed to sneak out of her own party.

"What is it, Ackerman?"

"Thank you," said Mikasa seriously. "I mean it. That was a really nice gift and I was really surprised considering how much of a jerk you usually are." She drew her scarf over her cheeks to hide her blush.

"You're welcome," replied Levi, inwardly questioning whether he'd been insulted or complimented.

Mikasa took a slightly hesitant step forward. With a flash of movement faster than Eren Yeager in the general vicinity of a titan, she brought her scarf down and quickly planted a kiss on Levi's cheek. Looking both scandalized and happy, she took off, nearly running into a barred door.

Levi absentmindedly brought a hand to the cheek she'd kissed. "Definitely worth the kidney. Heck, he can take both."


End file.
